Thoughts – Vibrant Awakening

Silence Harbors Guilt & Shame

April 27, 2023 Pamela

I called out from work today because I am sick so I went back to bed. After 3 hours of random, crazy dreams, I woke up with a thought that needs to be talked about. This is so important in the beginning of healing from trauma. The title of this is it simplified. Silence holds us in the feelings of guilt and shame. Question is, why and how do we repair that in order to heal?

For years, I dealt with Anorexia Nervosa(AN) in response to my life. Many resort to AN simply because we feel we have zero control over the world around us. The trauma’s we experience leaves us feeling helpless. I also realized mixed in that, I felt guilt and shame. I felt it because I was hurting myself with the AN and being told so many times that everything was my fault no matter what I did, or didn’t do. I believed all the horrible things being told to me which further fed my sorrow and pain. The AN was an effort to speak to the world my pain because I was unable to express it verbally. This can also be the case for drug addicts, alcoholics, and cutters as examples. I somehow thought others would get it. They would see I’m hurting and put the pieces together. I will save you years of personal torment and spoil the ending. I can attest to the fact that after almost 25 years, no one “got it.”

I’m guessing from one of my many therapist sessions I was told about silence harboring guilt and shame and that I needed to talk about everything bothering me. That I needed to question the thoughts that beat me up daily as to whether or not they are true. I decided one day, not too long ago, that silence was not going to be my friend anymore.

I decided one day I would start diving into my subconscious and begin questioning all the horrible things I told myself. To begin to talk about the trauma’s I have experienced over the years from the death of my 3 year old son, domestic violence, dealing with a narcissistic alcoholic, and rape. I attached shame and guilt to all these things and it kept me sick. Kept me in a state of hating myself, believing I was a horrible person, and resulted in poor choices. When I realized none of these things were my fault, that I am a good person that can offer my heart to those in need, I began to slowly open up. The AN was the first to go. I can say that today, I am 100% recovered. I don’t deal with the depression anymore and the anxiety, well, it pops in from time to time but I have a bag of tricks to squash it. The C-PTSD from all the years of mental and physical abuse, that is taking some time and that’s OK. I have to stand by my healthy boundaries and have been researching about the correlation between deep meditation and repairing the broken aspects of my brain waves. That’s a whole other topic. Bottom line to this, there is hope!

I started to wonder lately, do I talk too much about my personal life? Everyone around me doesn’t share in depth the things they go through in general. I mean, I have random people feel the need to unload their problems on me because it’s the empath side of me. But day to day, I will say things and then wonder, should I have divulged that? I started questioning myself and doing the whole comparison thing. And then it hit me. The side of me that almost stole my life was trying to creep in. Or maybe the Universe is trying to test my commitment. I speak the truth of my life because silence holds guilt and shame and in turn, makes you sick and very low vibrational. It goes against everything I have fought for the past 3 years to regain my life. Maybe I am guided to spill my guts because the person needed to hear it. Or maybe, I needed to say it.

If you stop and realize that hurting yourself will not send out a destress signal to others. And that keeping all your hurt and pain deep inside causing you grief, guilt, and shame will not accomplish anything other than hurting you, then you can start your journey to wellness. Here are some bullet points to keep in mind. Write them out and refer back if needed.

I am worthy of love and respect.
Others actions to me or against me are a reflection of them, not me.
I cannot control all aspects of life. I make the commitment to let go and take them as life lessons and move on.
I will not stay silent about my pain and understand there is nothing to feel guilty or shameful about while processing trauma or poor choices I’ve made.
Life doesn’t happen TO me, it happens FOR me. Life gives lessons whether good, bad, or indifferent. We do not stay there. We process it and move on.
I will create a list of all my wonderful qualities and will not let the opinions of others interfere with it. Others opinions are none of my business.
I will begin to question the validity of the statements I tell myself. Are they true? When you are telling yourself you’re stupid, nothing good will come to me, I deserve everything I get. Well, I stand here to tell you, those are lies!

Now Understand, as I’ve said many times, changing your life means making changes. These changes consists of replacing your harmful, subconscious thoughts, setting up healthy boundaries of how you will be treated and stick by them. Maybe it is rethinking the people in your life because your circle of friends will reflect who you become. Don’t be ashamed of shaking that tree and letting bad apples fall. Change your normal. This means changing your routine because once you start working on yourself, the real you will start to emerge and you won’t know what to do with that. It’s OK. Just keep moving with it! A whole new world will start to open up for you. I promise! And it will begin with you taking the steps to getting real with yourself. Opening up. Stop harboring shame and guilt for things in the past. Hurting yourself will only do just that, hurting a wonderful spirit living a human life.

Now get out there and shake your tree!

General Thoughts, Thoughts

Random Tidbits Part 2

April 26, 2023 Pamela

These two are big ones! Nothing changes unless something changes! You can’t just wish for things to be better in your life. You have to change what is your normal to something unfamiliar. Here are a few things to start shaking up what is not working for you.

Remove limited beliefs of what is possible for you. The world we live in tells you every day that this or that isn’t possible. The Universe has a great abundance in line for you and it is greater than what you would ever fathom for yourself. But, unfortunately, society hammers into your head every day limited possibilities. They fill television programs and news channels with, to put quite bluntly, crap. This sludge they feed you subconsciously keeps you in a fear state. When we are in that fear state, we are unable to believe anything is truly possible for us to accomplish. I personally have removed watching any news channels. There are so many wonderful things happening in the world but the news feeds you nothing but horrific events. They might sprinkle a bit of happy here and there to offer you a glimmer of hope, but overall, it keeps you in the lowest vibration, fear. I don’t watch the news. I’ve removed any social media groups or accounts that promote nothing but hatred and fear mongering. I watch programs that will align me to a better life and keep me in a state of learning and broadening my mind. If you remove these outlets from your life, you will begin to see a difference in your overall state of being.
Challenge your thoughts. Question if they are true. I had to do this quite a bit because I was horrible to myself. When I started to get my hands dirty and challenge whether those thoughts were true of me, I realized I was self-sabotaging myself out of fear of the unknown. I began to work on removing all negative self-talk and replacing it with motivating statements that were in line with my potential. I reprogrammed the word failure from a negative incantation to a stairway to positive change. Failure is nothing more than lessons. All successful people have failed on their journey. They just said, well, that didn’t work. Let’s try something else. Remove the ideal that good things only happen to others. Replace it with, good things are possible for me. Even if your path is littered with failures, you are perfecting your craft and moving towards your purpose.

Do you see a pattern here? That challenging your thoughts and replacing them on a subconscious level with positive ones, you will begin to pave the way to your purpose. Living in fear, and hatred for yourself, will only keep you down. What do you have to lose by changing your subconscious thoughts? I began to see that only positive came out of it. Even if things I want in life didn’t hit my doorstep tomorrow, at least I felt happier, lighter, and I could see the world was slowly opening up for me. The possibilities are lining up as I make positive changes in my being. That my free will choices are lining me up to my purpose and the things I see and want, I know they are possible for me. I don’t turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms that slow me down. I ask myself, will this choice align me with my purpose?

I also open myself up to see messages from my guides being placed in front of me. When something just isn’t working out, it is because it isn’t the right path. If I feel uneasy in a situation, it is not for me. When you open your intuitiveness to possibilities, you will begin to see, hear and feel patterns that are nudging you. Your guides will never tell you what to do. It is your lesson and your free will choices, but they will nudge you now and then especially when asked for help.

Now go out there and commit yourself to redirecting your limited beliefs in yourself and what is possible for you. Start challenging those negative thoughts you have about yourself because you are a beautiful energy living in this existence. Why not make it the best ever?!

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Thoughts

Random Tidbits for Inspiration

March 29, 2023 Pamela

The following are tidbits of inspirational thoughts and concepts to consider in your day-to-day life. My hope is to begin you on a journey of adjusting your mindset to achieve personal growth. These have inspired me throughout my own journey.

When facing something new, or something you know you should do, remove the word “try” from your vocabulary. The word “try” gives you an out when you let rampant thoughts talk you out of something. You will say, “Well, at least I tried.” It doesn’t put into your subconscious that you are going to do it. It is an absolute maybe I will. Speak into the Universe that you “will” do something. There are no excuses to be had. No thoughts to combat your plan to achieve it. It is happening. So say, “I will… “, “I am going to…” Do not leave any room for excuses because it is going to happen.
Separate your emotions and your beliefs from that of others. Sit with yourself and understand what is yours. What are true to your beliefs, your desires, your convictions. When you understand who you are as a person, you are able to protect your heart from others ill will intentions. You are able to set up healthy boundaries and not let the emotions of others affect how you feel in the moment. Understand their actions toward you are about them, not you. You do not have to take on the ugliness of the world because it is not yours to have. Others will lash out at you when they are not at peace with themselves. They are not happy in life and their well-being is off balance. It is not up to you to accept their treatment, or to take on their emotions as your own. I understand sometimes people will upset you because of how they treat you. Working customer service is a prime example of this because many come into the establishment on guard and ready to fight. We all know the “Karen’s” in the world. (I hate that term since I have a sister named Karen and she is NOT one! I need to put that out there.) They will curse, say rude comments, and yell in hopes of getting what they want. But in all honesty, their behavior goes far beyond being upset over something trivial. This does not mean it is yours to keep. Understand how you feel in that moment is not yours, release it from your heart, and be at peace with yourself. It is not an easy practice, but necessary to navigate in such a broken world we live in at this moment. When I come in contact with a situation that gets me off-balance, Take a moment to close your eyes, quieten your mind, and get back in check with your own feelings and peace.
Happiness is a choice. It is not a circumstance, material possessions, the perfect life. It is the choice that despite your surroundings, you choose to be happy and at peace with love in your heart. Even when everything seems to be going wrong, it is important to view these things as life lessons and keep love and happiness in your heart. You will see the situations in a clearer aspect and be better able to overcome any and all obstacles. If you sit with fear and worry, that is what the Universe will give you. If you sit with love and peace in your heart, the Universe will send higher vibrational solutions, outcomes, answers. You will begin to find that obstacles in your life are easier to overcome and solutions are readily available to you. So, you can choose to let life swallow you up, feel sorry for yourself and make choices that will certainly send you further into a rabbit hole, or you can view it as a life lesson and hold love and happiness in your heart while overcoming it and using it to better your life and possibly pass on your findings to others to spread hope. Choices are what the universe calls “free will” and we all have it. It is up to you what you will do with it. Love and happiness will send you on the path to your purpose.

I hope you find these tidbits helpful and that you will utilize them in your life to create positive changes. I will continue to post these and I will blog more in-depth looks into them as time goes on. This is an example of taking the hits in life and using them as lessons for growth and passing them on to others for inspiration. If you find this helpful and you plan on using these in your day-to-day life, please comment below! I love hearing from others. And feel free to share this blog on your social media pages to spread love and knowledge.

General Thoughts, Thoughts, Topics

God, Jesus and the Bible

March 2, 2023 Pamela

This is only the beginning of a journey of knowledge and understanding….

This is going to be a touchy subject that will shake many people. In polite conversations, you leave out subjects about politics and religion. But, because I am digging deep into the meaning of life, I feel the need to rattle some cages. This isn’t an attempt to change your mind, tell you that your way of thinking is all wrong. It is only, hopefully, a thought-provoking conversation. I believe life is exciting because of the questions we ask. Not only in the answers we find.

Although I have been questioning religion for years, especially after the death of my son in 1996, it has only been the last year that I have discovered a whole new outlook on everything. Many aspects of religion did not sit well with me on many levels, so I have felt driven to understand it all on a whole new level.

I grew up going to church with my Granny. We went to the Salvation Army church in Norfolk, Va. I enjoyed the classroom studies of all the Bible stories and, even at a young age, loved the giving nature surrounding me. They were very driven to help others in any way possible. Once in middle school, I stopped attending church and did not go again until I was married and with children up in Connecticut. Everything felt different at that point. The messages weren’t the same, and everything seemed more agenda based or self-serving. After my son passed away, I quite honestly became bitter toward God and anything to do with Church. Between the changes in their message delivery and the horrible letdown I felt with the death of my 3 year old son, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore and stopped all together.

One aspect of the messages I received about God was if you were to sin and didn’t repent, you were going to burn in Hell for all eternity. That just did not sit well with me considering it went against the flip side that God is all forgiving and all loving. Which was it? Also considering I was told that we all sin. I felt as if I’m being told, we all sin but then you go to Church, give them money, repent, be forgiven for your sins and go home to start all over again. What? It made my head spin! Giving 10 percent of your money is called a tithe donation as an offering. But then what I was seeing was these mammoth churches that resembled a mall with a book store and cafe. How was that helping anyone?

The messages during the sermon were almost scary and I felt uncomfortable sitting in an energy that did not feel right to me. Over the years, the sermons were directed more towards the topic of the day and forcing the church goers to follow their ideals or be smitten by God. Each church had their own interpretation of Bible verses. They were portrayed in a way that would suit their agenda. Let’s consider the different versions of the Bible. Why are there such a thing? Why would the Bible have a need to be rewritten over time? Consider the possibility that it is done so to suit the ideals of the time it was rewritten. I will write another blog about the stories within the Bible to expand the possibilities of the true occurrences. It has been a very eye-opening revelation to say the very least and quite honestly, far more believable! For the sake of the message I’m sharing here, I don’t want to dilute it.

Who is God? Who was Jesus?
I dove into figuring it out in 2022 because it felt important to understand all this. Believing that God uses smitting against those who did not worship him, tithed to a church once a week and repented for their sins did not sit well in my heart. And that we were to wear our crosses as trinkets around our necks, bow at the feet of the statue of Jesus on a cross while praying for forgiveness for our sins confused me. And the threat that we will burn in Hell for all eternity to be quite frank is horrible! It all left me feeling no matter what I did, I’m a horrible sinner that will never live up to being someone that could go to heaven. How is that a way to live? Especially from a loving God? And did Jesus die on a cross so we could be threatened and live in fear of never living up to some expectations from a church that changes the messages from a Bible that has been rewritten many times over the centuries?

I may seem to be giving you many questions to consider in this blog, but I believe we each have our own journey to discover. I am hoping it sparks an interest and set you on your own path because who am I in the scheme of things right? Why should you just take what I say? My goal here is to open you up to possibilities to start asking questions and not just accept what is being handed to you on a platter. Including a collection plate.

Today, I am feeling more at ease in my spirituality because I believe God is not some bearded man sitting on a throne in the clouds casting judgment on all those who sin. I believe God is “Unconditional Love.” God does not allow bad things to happen on this Earth. We, as humans, are given free will. With this free will, we make choices. These choices lead us on learning paths whether for the good or for the bad. It is largely believed in the spiritual communities that we are living in a Hell with our existence on Earth. We can create whether our existence is that of Hell or Heaven by our free will choices.

God, as unconditional love, will love us no matter what because we are learning. Jesus was put on this Earth as an example to all of us. Made in His image. Jesus is who we all can be. We should all have love in our hearts because through this, we show compassion towards others. We then are able to make free willed choices that lead us on our journey’s to personal purpose. Jesus was an example of sharing love to others. The ability to heal is within all of us as it was in Jesus. So, why is this not understood and believed today? Fear!

Fear is the lowest vibration, with Love being the highest. When you vibrate on a low level, you don’t believe all things are possible for you. People are easily controlled when their whole existence is fear-based. You stay stuck. The concept of the Devil was brought in to invoke that fear in all. Imagine if you truly understood the power of thought. If all of us understood that we can create the world we all want by believing God is unconditional love, there is no Hell, and the devil does not exist? There are those on this Earth that want the control. They want you to believe that you need them to exist and to flourish on this planet or bad will become of you. I, personally, did not and do not want to believe any of that is true. Thus the reason why I dove into the possibilities out there to create an existence for myself in love not fear.

Since adopting the understanding of these views, my depression and anxiety have left. I don’t feel a constant ache in my chest riddled with fear of everything. I understand I can create a life of love and know that God is not there to smite me for my choices. Lining up my choices with love in my heart, keeps me on a journey of helping others, showing love not hate. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is not to say that bad things don’t happen! Or, that I don’t get upset. But, I am able to view life in a different light. Others do not have the power to change my energy because I have God’s unconditional love on my side.

This is only the beginning of my journey on understanding all of this and there is so much more I can share. But, I hope this starts a path of questions for you to not just accept what you are told. Go out there and start seeking answers for yourself. Love and light is out there for all of us. God’s love is there, and the ability to heal is ours. What do you have to lose in asking? This journey for me has been more than eye-opening. It has been healing. Each of us is welcomed on this path and please feel free to start an open dialogue.

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