Category: Topics

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Angel Numbers

Pamela

Friday I was feeling really sick and while at work, all day, it was Angel numbers. To the point that it was crazy! 1:11, 11:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 and then two people I rang up, for some reason their totals stood out. $29.00 and $79.00. There was one day I keep getting even totals. My guides were making sure I was paying attention! Yesterday was 4:44 and 5:55. I am paying attention! Things are going to be changing but my guides and angels are all around me, supporting me.

The run of repeating numbers are them telling me to pay attention. I need to make note of what is coming. What messages I need to listen to. 79 is telling me to get into my heart space. Do what it is I want to do. That is where we should listen to ourselves. From our heart. Not from the confusion and judgements of our minds. 7 is fear not. Its when you are feeling called to do something and not quite sure what it is or how it will work out. Reminds you to be spontaneous and courageious, but also smart and cautious. 9 is telling you something is coming into completion. There have been lessons learned but it is ending. Its ok to be sad but with the 7, it is saying dont be fearful. Now 29, hold on to your purpose! Life can be such a distraction at times, but I need to remember what my ultimate goals are. My purpose. I need to stay on course amist all the noise.

This all makes sense because I was starting to feel overwhelmed and distracted and letting self-doubt creep in. When you open yourself up to what your guides are telling you, your whole world will become simplier to navigate. Life doesn’t get easier, but you will be given nudges on your navigation through it. There is a reason and lesson for everything. There is no good or bad. The question to ask is, what will I learn from this?

I will just breath, put my hands on my heart during a meditation and say, “I have purpose.” Life is good.

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Root Chakra

Pamela

How do you know if you have a weakness or imbalance with your Root Chakra?

The following signs of a weak or imbalanced root chakra:

  • Disconnection from the body, being ungrounded
  • Knee or feet troubles
  • Underweight, obesity and/or eating disorders
  • Fearful, anxious, restless, can’t settle, phobias, nightmares, psychosis
  • Basic lack of trust, suspicion, keeping guard up
  • Greed, hoarding or financial difficulty
  • Sluggish, lazy, tired
  • Becoming overly dependent on others
  • Poor focus and discipline
  • Poor boundaries or rigid boundaries
  • Chronic disorganization, indecisiveness, easily overwhelmed

What may help you balance and ground?

  • Deepen connection to the natural world
  • Become aware of one’s physicality
  • Avoid premature development of higher energy centers
  • Reconnection with body•Physical activity
  • Touch, massage
  • Hatha yoga
  • Analysis of earliest childhood relationship to mother
  • Reclaiming the right to be here

It is so important to start your journey balancing your first chakra. Grounding will be the solid building block to reaching your goals of becoming happy, healthy, and filled with joy.

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Learning Journey

Pamela

In life, never stop learning. Do not ever feel you know enough or that you know all. So much potential and growth come from continuing your learning journey. I was never a great student in school. I was always focused on my dancing. I did not understand the importance of not only learning your A, B, C’s in school, but it was important to question everything. Especially going deep within myself. If I had done that growing up, I would have saved a lifetime of heartache, but at the same time, I would have missed a lifetime of lessons. So, everything you experience in life has a lesson and part of your journey. My personal journey today was not meant until this time in my life. And I am thankful and blessed for the opportunities.

At this time, I have completed Devine Light Reiki 2 with Mary Fielder at the Reiki Place and my 100 HR certification as a Meditation Teacher with Yogamu Institute based in India. My ongoing journey at the moment is completing my 200 HR Meditation Teacher certification, 200n HR Yoga and Kundalini Teacher Training, and over the next two years I will become a Yoga Therapist.

So much joy and love goes into learning. These classes are creating the ability to dive deep into my inner self. To understand how to develop the life I desire, to feel love and joy, and to pass along all that I learn to others so you may also feel the same. I also hope to spark a light into your own personal journey.

My life has now been dedicated to learning everything I can in order to help others heal. I have long-time goes to offer a community to those ready to create changes in their lives to make this a better world to live in. It IS possible. But only if we learn and share our lessons with others and spread this joy.

If you have any questions or are interested in joining this journey, please feel free to follow me on all my social media accounts, and join my newsletter and website here. I look forward to creating a path of happiness!

General Thoughts, Thoughts, Topics

God, Jesus and the Bible

Pamela

This is only the beginning of a journey of knowledge and understanding….

This is going to be a touchy subject that will shake many people. In polite conversations, you leave out subjects about politics and religion. But, because I am digging deep into the meaning of life, I feel the need to rattle some cages. This isn’t an attempt to change your mind, tell you that your way of thinking is all wrong. It is only, hopefully, a thought-provoking conversation. I believe life is exciting because of the questions we ask. Not only in the answers we find.

Although I have been questioning religion for years, especially after the death of my son in 1996, it has only been the last year that I have discovered a whole new outlook on everything. Many aspects of religion did not sit well with me on many levels, so I have felt driven to understand it all on a whole new level.

I grew up going to church with my Granny. We went to the Salvation Army church in Norfolk, Va. I enjoyed the classroom studies of all the Bible stories and, even at a young age, loved the giving nature surrounding me. They were very driven to help others in any way possible. Once in middle school, I stopped attending church and did not go again until I was married and with children up in Connecticut. Everything felt different at that point. The messages weren’t the same, and everything seemed more agenda based or self-serving. After my son passed away, I quite honestly became bitter toward God and anything to do with Church. Between the changes in their message delivery and the horrible letdown I felt with the death of my 3 year old son, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore and stopped all together.

One aspect of the messages I received about God was if you were to sin and didn’t repent, you were going to burn in Hell for all eternity. That just did not sit well with me considering it went against the flip side that God is all forgiving and all loving. Which was it? Also considering I was told that we all sin. I felt as if I’m being told, we all sin but then you go to Church, give them money, repent, be forgiven for your sins and go home to start all over again. What? It made my head spin! Giving 10 percent of your money is called a tithe donation as an offering. But then what I was seeing was these mammoth churches that resembled a mall with a book store and cafe. How was that helping anyone?

The messages during the sermon were almost scary and I felt uncomfortable sitting in an energy that did not feel right to me. Over the years, the sermons were directed more towards the topic of the day and forcing the church goers to follow their ideals or be smitten by God. Each church had their own interpretation of Bible verses. They were portrayed in a way that would suit their agenda. Let’s consider the different versions of the Bible. Why are there such a thing? Why would the Bible have a need to be rewritten over time? Consider the possibility that it is done so to suit the ideals of the time it was rewritten. I will write another blog about the stories within the Bible to expand the possibilities of the true occurrences. It has been a very eye-opening revelation to say the very least and quite honestly, far more believable! For the sake of the message I’m sharing here, I don’t want to dilute it.

Who is God? Who was Jesus?
I dove into figuring it out in 2022 because it felt important to understand all this. Believing that God uses smitting against those who did not worship him, tithed to a church once a week and repented for their sins did not sit well in my heart. And that we were to wear our crosses as trinkets around our necks, bow at the feet of the statue of Jesus on a cross while praying for forgiveness for our sins confused me. And the threat that we will burn in Hell for all eternity to be quite frank is horrible! It all left me feeling no matter what I did, I’m a horrible sinner that will never live up to being someone that could go to heaven. How is that a way to live? Especially from a loving God? And did Jesus die on a cross so we could be threatened and live in fear of never living up to some expectations from a church that changes the messages from a Bible that has been rewritten many times over the centuries?

I may seem to be giving you many questions to consider in this blog, but I believe we each have our own journey to discover. I am hoping it sparks an interest and set you on your own path because who am I in the scheme of things right? Why should you just take what I say? My goal here is to open you up to possibilities to start asking questions and not just accept what is being handed to you on a platter. Including a collection plate.

Today, I am feeling more at ease in my spirituality because I believe God is not some bearded man sitting on a throne in the clouds casting judgment on all those who sin. I believe God is “Unconditional Love.” God does not allow bad things to happen on this Earth. We, as humans, are given free will. With this free will, we make choices. These choices lead us on learning paths whether for the good or for the bad. It is largely believed in the spiritual communities that we are living in a Hell with our existence on Earth. We can create whether our existence is that of Hell or Heaven by our free will choices.

God, as unconditional love, will love us no matter what because we are learning. Jesus was put on this Earth as an example to all of us. Made in His image. Jesus is who we all can be. We should all have love in our hearts because through this, we show compassion towards others. We then are able to make free willed choices that lead us on our journey’s to personal purpose. Jesus was an example of sharing love to others. The ability to heal is within all of us as it was in Jesus. So, why is this not understood and believed today? Fear!

Fear is the lowest vibration, with Love being the highest. When you vibrate on a low level, you don’t believe all things are possible for you. People are easily controlled when their whole existence is fear-based. You stay stuck. The concept of the Devil was brought in to invoke that fear in all. Imagine if you truly understood the power of thought. If all of us understood that we can create the world we all want by believing God is unconditional love, there is no Hell, and the devil does not exist? There are those on this Earth that want the control. They want you to believe that you need them to exist and to flourish on this planet or bad will become of you. I, personally, did not and do not want to believe any of that is true. Thus the reason why I dove into the possibilities out there to create an existence for myself in love not fear.

Since adopting the understanding of these views, my depression and anxiety have left. I don’t feel a constant ache in my chest riddled with fear of everything. I understand I can create a life of love and know that God is not there to smite me for my choices. Lining up my choices with love in my heart, keeps me on a journey of helping others, showing love not hate. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is not to say that bad things don’t happen! Or, that I don’t get upset. But, I am able to view life in a different light. Others do not have the power to change my energy because I have God’s unconditional love on my side.

This is only the beginning of my journey on understanding all of this and there is so much more I can share. But, I hope this starts a path of questions for you to not just accept what you are told. Go out there and start seeking answers for yourself. Love and light is out there for all of us. God’s love is there, and the ability to heal is ours. What do you have to lose in asking? This journey for me has been more than eye-opening. It has been healing. Each of us is welcomed on this path and please feel free to start an open dialogue.

Please follow my site and my other social media accounts on Facebook, Tiktok, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. I want to be able to spread the word that we can all heal ourselves and feel love, not hate and fear.

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Signs: The Universe Speaks

Pamela

Signs are all around us. We just normally shrug them off as coincidences. Even if the coincidence makes us wonder if it was more than that, it’s discarded anyway. When a loved one passes away, we want to connect to them so badly or many times we plead for guidance but don’t understand how to “hear” the reply. After reading the following, start paying attention to your surroundings. What is happening is not a mere coincidence. They are signs and messages from your ancestors, spirit guides, angels, or the universe. A whole new world will open up for you if you only take a moment, with an open mind, and see what can only be seen and understood with an understanding that there is more to our existence.

Have you ever been nudged to look at the time and see 11:11, 2:22, or 4:44? Or start to notice that another number keeps appearing repetitively? Did you know these are what is called “Angel Numbers.” These sequences of numbers have meanings, and it’s the Universe giving you guidance that you are on the right path, or you need to watch your thoughts and keep them positive. Maybe a big change is coming your way. It’s not just by chance you are seeing these numbers. They are signs given to you to help guide you on your journey in this life. If I’m ever doubting myself, I start seeing these patterns, letting me know to keep going. Or my loved ones are watching over me. Since my Dad passed away in March 2022, I see 757, which is the area code of where we were born and raised. I know he is sending me this number to let me know that he is around me, watching over me. Next time you see a number repetitively, look up what that angel number means. You will be surprised that it lines up with what is going on in your life.

I mentioned the number 757 and it being a sign from my Dad. Past loved ones send all sorts of signs to you. My son who passed away in 1996 sends me ladybugs. This is because he would try to save them in the house by putting them outside. One day, I opened the back door, and all these ladybugs were laying on the steps. He had good intentions, but being only 3 years old, he accidentally squashed them. A song from John Cougar Mellencamp comes on for my Uncle Spencer because he always reminded me of him because of how he danced. And I can’t forget my dear Granny. She always sang Amazing Grace, and that song will come on out of nowhere, or I will just start singing it. I know she is around. I remember once, my family and I were approaching my sons grave, and all of a sudden, a bunch of butterflies flew into the sky from it. It was something you would see in a movie. But we knew it was Jason saying hello. Ever have a dream of your loved one. That is another way they will visit you. They are all only a thought away. Talk to them anytime you need because they are listening. Then, keep your eyes and ears open for the responses. My heart melts, and I smile every time I get a beautiful sign.

I still get amazed by this one. It’s when the universe speaks to you. I never understood why nothing was working for me in life. Why, no matter how hard I tried, everything I did just wouldn’t work. Until one day I found out, it wasn’t working because it wasn’t my path to take. When you are on the right path, everything just lines up. I had been questioning lately about the path I’m on because I felt, well, if it’s the correct one, why is it not making a living for me? I was nudged to watch a program out of the blue, and in this program, it said, “Sometimes your path is not how you make a living.” You have a job that pays for you to do what is your purpose. The universe answered a question I had, and again, I sat there in amazement. I was beginning to feel I was failing at something again. Another example is when I recently wrote a blog here about meditation. That afternoon, during one of my Tiktok lives, the guests in the live event were asking questions about meditation. They didn’t see this blog, and yet the universe prepared me to talk about it and all that I learned in writing the piece. When you don’t question these random nudges and follow your intuition, you will be amazed how it all lines up with purpose. Or it could line you up for lessons too!

The universe speaks to you and gives you guidance in life to set you on a path. But as I’ve written about previously, we have free will and make our own choices. I lean towards listening to my inner voice these days because it sends me on the right path. These are guiding signs, but keep in mind, they aren’t always what you want, but what you need. Like, have you ever been running late for work and hit every light along the way. But then when you get further up the road, there was an accident. If you made every light and was running on time, it could have been you. Does that ring a bell for you? I know it has many times over. So I don’t get upset anymore when I hit those lights.

I could probably write a book on this topic. I’m sure there has to be one out there somewhere. There are so many examples I could give to prove my point. But, honestly, you probably won’t believe me until you start seeing it for yourself. Begin writing down the numbers you see. Think about something that reminds you of a loved one and see if all of a sudden, it appears. Ask the universe a question and pay attention to the things put in front of you. When you get a random thought, don’t just push it aside. Truly think about the possible significance of it in relation to what is happening in your life. You will be amazed by the fact that these are signs, not mere coincidences in your life.

I would love to hear about the signs you have seen in your journey. Whether they are life nudges or sweet hellos from your loved ones. I am still in awe of them all.

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Meditation, but I Feel Silly!

Pamela

Meditation. It was something I just could not do. My mind races with random thoughts so much that bringing myself down to a quiet space was always impossible. I also was under the impression that meditation was saying “Ommm” while sitting on a mountain wearing all white. I believe that is what everyone thinks it is, and so you never give it a try. Life is just too busy, and having time to sit with oneself is at the bottom of the to-do list. Does this ring true with you? I have a sneaky suspicion that you are nodding your head, yes. One doesn’t need to be a psychic to see that!

Let me be the first to tell you. Take everything you believe meditation is and is not and throw it out the window. Also, throw out the misconception that you are going to be able to ever meditate. It is very possible for you and the most important aspect is, it is more beneficial than you think! It relieves stress and brings you into the moment by quietening your mind. Gives you a sense of calmness in this crazy rat race we live in today. It balances your emotional well-being and your overall health. It helps you learn to stay centered, keep inner peace, and promote self-love.

In the beginning of my meditation journey, it was very frustrating. I am the type of person who would have thoughts running rampant throughout my head. Just imagine words floating all over the place and nothing really connecting or making sense. Random, unrelated thoughts racing Nascar speeds. It would get me to the point of completely shutting down and not functioning. Even taking a nap or having a drink to slow it all down. Neither option is viable long-term. If you are shaking your head yes because you completely understand, then you need to keep on reading. Racing thoughts can cause so much confusion and stress, which in turn causes your body to react in negative ways. Imagine spiraling down to earth. Eventually, you will hit bottom.

Spiraling down is no way to live. I promise you that. Neither is resorting to substances or sleeping life away in a depressive slump. You have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. The only way I was able to slow down thoughts and start repairing my brain’s reaction to stress in my life was and is through meditation. Meditation helps heal old thought programs. It has been scientifically proven to rewire your brain. I believed that having C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was something I just had to deal with the rest of this life. That it is scarring of the brain, and that’s it. I have recently learned that through deep mediation, quietening the brain helps spark new wires in your brain and heal the ones broken. I had lived in such high stress levels for so long that I was stuck in high-alert mode. Always on edge for the threat even if there was none. This explanation is bringing it all down to a very basic level. I’m not a scientist, so I’m not putting in a bunch of details and dropping the end results on you.

How my meditations in the beginning went are quite comical. At the time, frustrating is a more appropriate word, but looking back, it was comical. I would feel silly and embarrassed. My thoughts raced around so much that I just felt like I was watching a train wreck in my head. What if someone sees me. Am I doing this right? Where do I put my hands? Oh yeah, breath! I held my breath because I was so tense from judging myself so harshly through the whole thing. I would last about 5 minutes if I was lucky. I would judge myself so badly and get sick of thinking so much that I gave up on it.

I dove into watching videos on meditation to see what I was doing wrong. I learned very quickly that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. Meditation didn’t even have to be me sitting there with my legs crossed painfully and my eyes closed. Closing my eyes was an issue. I never felt safe closing them. Even when I went to church, I couldn’t close my eyes during prayer. I felt like something would happen to me. It was all part of my high-stress levels and always on alert. So, let’s talk about what mediation looks like.

Meditation is anything you do while quietening your mind! It is that simple. You can do it while taking a bath, doing the dishes, painting, going for a walk, and vacuuming the house. It is putting yourself in the moment. Not thinking about everything you have to do, the bills, work, the narcissist in your life, etc. It is stopping everything, going within you, and moving those thoughts aside. Be in the moment with what you are doing. Now, it will be very difficult at first. But it is VERY important not to judge yourself. If a thought breaks through, let it come in and then go out. Don’t think any further about it. Don’t fight it or get frustrated over it. Let it float in, the float out.

You are probably wondering, like I did. How do you stop all thoughts? As you practice, you will find that fewer and fewer thoughts will break through. You will start to focus more on your breathing and what you are doing. Start filling the space with positive affirmations. Whether you believe them or not in the beginning. I am enough. I am a great Mother/Father. I deserve peace. I love myself as I am. And just keep breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Picture the air entering you. On the exhale, release any bad thoughts or beliefs you have about yourself.

Eventually, you will see that it becomes easier and easier to do. You will stop racing thoughts and be more focused. The positive thoughts will become your reality. The time you can sit with yourself in peace will extend longer. Keep in mind, do not judge your process or progress at any time. This is a learned behavior and takes time to accomplish. You will begin to love and look forward to these moments. Light a candle. You can use it to focus on if closing your eyes is difficult for you like it was for me. I say was because I can close them now. Get some incense that you love and burn them. It can help bring you in the moment by focusing on the beautiful smells.

Take a few moments today and sit with yourself for just a minute. Concentrate on your breathing in and out slowly. Let the thoughts come in, then float away. Give them no attention. Place your hand on your heart and say, “I am enough.” It is a great starting point, and I promise you that you will want to learn more like I did and get excited about your quiet moments. I also promise that the “I feel silly” aspect will go away because it will feel so wonderful! Go ahead and give it a try! If you have any further thoughts or questions, feel free to contact me.

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What is Reiki?

Pamela

What exactly is Reiki, and how does it help me?  Over the years, I had heard of it, but never knew exactly what it was and what it did.  2022 was a year of self-discovery and finally diving into all the things that have been calling to me my whole life.  It sat in the back of my mind, nudging me to do something about it.  Leaving me wondering why nothing else was working out for me when I put my everything into it.  Well, nothing was falling into place until I gave in, and Reiki healing was one of them.

The basic definition of Reiki is that it is Universal Life Force Energy.  “Rei” means universal, and “ki” means vital life force.  I had wondered my whole life how you could just throw some bones, organs, and skin together and achieve a personality? Or how can the act of having these become a functioning being?  I have always felt there was much more than this.  Something more was at bay that makes all this work. 

All living things have a vital life force, including humans, animals, and plants.  It has a frequency, and it is different for everyone and moves up and down with your moods, emotions, and, not surprisingly, your spiritual development.  The frequencies are high vibrations and low vibrations.  The highest of vibrations are enlightenment and love.  The lowest, guilt, and shame.  I can understand guilt and shame being the lowest because when we are riddled with it, it affects every aspect of our lives, from moods to the decisions we make.

When we align and balance our Chakras, and I’ll briefly explain this later, we vibrate at higher levels.  This leads to feeling better and wanting to make better decisions that set us on the path of happiness and purpose.  When we are out of balance, it starts to affect how we feel emotionally and physically.  We become sluggish, depressed, and start to show physical symptoms throughout our bodies, depending on which Chakra is off-balance.  You will hear the term “blocked” by some, but I personally believe it sets a negative thought that is unnecessary.  Focusing on the positive opts for better outcomes.

What is a Chakra?

In Sanskrit, the word “chakra” means “disk” or “wheel” and refers to the energy centers in your body. These wheels or disks of spinning energy each correspond to certain nerve bundles and major organs. To function at their best, your chakras need to stay open or balanced.  The 7 main Chakras are Root, Sacral, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, Third Eye, and Crown.  Stress and anxiety are two of the most common reasons for out of balance Chakra’s.  When I started focusing on meditation and opening my Chakra’s, I began to feel lighter.   Reiki realigns and balances each one. Energy flows freely through the chakras, harmonizing your body, mind, and spirit.  When the energy flow is interrupted,  it can cause specific mental, physical, and spiritual problems.

Who can receive Reiki?

Treatment can be received by anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Reiki healing sessions can be performed on unborn babies, children, and adults of all ages.  Healing is not just limited to humans. Pets can benefit from it, too!  As a Reiki practitioner, I can send good energy on the roads ahead of me, projects I’m working on, or manifesting things in my life for the greater good.  The following are some benefits, as stated from the International Association of Reiki Professional website:

  • Reiki’s calming effects can reduce our anxieties and panicky behavior.
  • It may go to the core of imbalances embedded within our bodies to bring about balance.
  • Pain, stresses, and agitations that are associated with long-term suffering can benefit from cumulative Reiki treatments.
  • Reiki can be safely used in conjunction with all other conventional health practices.
  • Reiki offers the kind of energetic vitality that can spark our innate creativity.
  • Reiki’s ability to awaken and sharpen our psychic perceptions heightens awareness of our dreams.
  • Blessing our foods and drinks with Reiki before consuming them will vitalize and purify them.
  • Reiki’s gentle energies are conducive to comforting anyone who is suffering from grief. It helps the grief process run its course in a calmer or less painful way.
  • Reiki tames discord and trouble, bringing harmony to the recipient or situation that is out of sync.
  • The swiftness of Reiki’s healing properties has demonstrated that it is an effective first-aid treatment for injuries.
  • Reiki will treat emotional wounds and memories that are hurting our inner child.
  • Reiki assists us in letting go of the aspects within our lives that negatively impact us.
  • The manifesting facets of Reiki help to bring our intentions and goals to fruition.
  • Reiki can expedite the body’s natural healing ability reducing the recovery periods that follow surgeries and injuries.
  • Reiki’s relaxing energies can induce sleep and relieve insomnia.
  • Using Reiki may awaken or improve spiritual awareness.
  • Reiki releases toxins. clearing our bodies of impurities and stagnant energies.
  • Reiki will penetrate beyond obvious systematic conditions of the body and treat the underlying causes of illness.
  • Reiki can help you deal with special situations in your life such as exams, job interviews, divorce, career changes, and family illness.

I am offering Distant Reiki Sessions that will show which of your 7 main Chakra’s are out of balance, and I will focus on realigning them.  This is performed in a session off camera, and then I will record a video explaining what I found, the realigning outcome, and guided suggestions.  Video’s are uploaded privately to YouTube, and only you will have the link.  You may keep it to yourself or share with trusted family and friends.  But it will stay there as long as YouTube is around.

My plan at a later date is to offer in-person sessions locally in Tennessee.  The session will not only be for people, but pets of all shapes and sizes will be included. If you have an event or space locally and are interested in offering Reiki, feel free to contact me. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to keep up to date when these are available.

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My Story of Loss and Grief

Pamela

October 1, 1996 is the morning that became the catalyst for years of mental anguish and personal torment. It was the morning I found my son had died. He was 3 years, 5 months and 8 days old. Jason was born with a Diaphragmatic Hernia that was repaired. We were told over and over we would never have to worry about his surgery. The words, “He can grow up to be a football linebacker!” was told to us by his surgeon. Well, that wasn’t true because after telling them many times over something just wasn’t right, I have a morning burned into my vision for all of this lifetime. It took only 36 hours from the onset of symptoms to me finding him. He developed scar adhesions that herniated his stomach and poisoned his body. I became a heartbroken shell that had to function for the sake of his two older brothers.

There are 5 stages of grief and you can move through them at different times and in different order. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. One can experience multiple stages at the same time and go back and forth through each of them. Everyone experiences grief in their own way and there is no time-frame attached. As long as you cope in a way that it’s harmful to you and you are moving through it, not being stagnant. There are many wonderful articles online written in detail about these stages so I won’t go into detail here.

I found out quickly so many judge you based on how long your grieve or the length it is taking you to move along. I won’t get into the many comments made that some felt were supposed to be helpful and were far from it. Jason’s Dad and I grieved completely different and with this came much turbulence in our relationship. Studies have shown that women and men grieve in their own styles and I was very much on the male spectrum and he was on the female. Males are typically very quiet, don’t want to talk about it all, look put together and like they are handling it all like a champ. Women on the other hand talk about it a lot, are outward with their emotions, and seen to breakdown. I didn’t want to talk about any of it. I had to keep moving since I had Jason’s brothers to take care of and that was my main focus. The way I handled it was inward towards myself. Jason’s Dad wanted to always talk about it, go to Bereaved Parents groups, would break down crying. Bereaved Parent’s groups were WAY too much for me. Being a highly sensitive empath, I felt each and every persons grief and pain. I could not deal with any of it. My advice to anyone grieving, be gentle with yourself, grieve how you need to, and just politely thank others for their concern but their opinion on how you handle it is none of their business. Harsh sounding maybe, but no one has the right to coach you on your journey through it.

For me, the first 5 years are a complete blur. I only remember bits and pieces which is my body’s way of protecting itself. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Major Anxiety, and Anorexia Nervosa. I was, to be quite honest, a total mess! It took another 5 years to get on a level of progressing forward and now after 25 years, I’m at peace with myself. So, as you see, time-frame limits are not part of this journey.

The major obstacle I had to work on was kicking myself for what happened to my son. The “I should have done this. I should have done that’s.” It took years to finally realize that judging my actions at that moment in time with the knowledge I later had was unfair. If I had all the information I had today, different decisions would have certainly been made. You can not take every thing you know today and process your actions in that moment and pass judgement on yourself in the past or beat yourself up over it. If you are doing that…. stop it!

Now I’m going to tell you about the days leading up to Jason’s passing on a whole different level. Especially considering what I have learned over time. This is looking at it with a spiritual vision and how the universe was at play. I waitressed second shift at the time and his Dad put him to bed at night. His Dad told me 2 weeks prior that Jason kept acting afraid to go to bed. Mentioning seeing monsters. He also insisted on saying “Goodbye” rather than goodnight and it all didn’t make sense. His Dad refused to say goodbye and it was goodnight. Jason would yell back goodbye.

The night of Jason’s passing, I decided I was going to bring my son to the doctors office in the morning even though they said it wasn’t necessary. The doctors advice wasn’t sitting right with me. While Jason was laying in our bed, out of nowhere, he sat up, looked at the side of the bed, said hi and waved. He proceeded to lay back down and go to sleep. As the night went on, one of his brothers started having nightmares and needed one of us to be with him. So, his Dad fell asleep in his room. It was like forces were at play to separate us. We all went to sleep, and I found my son, hiding from the “monsters” under my bed. It was too late.

This is where I had a horrible time of why didn’t I wake up when he moved out of bed? I would be lying if I said the thought doesn’t overtake me to this day. But looking back at everything that happened with my beliefs regarding the other side today, it was inevitable and his time to go in this lifetime. Jason was an old soul, full of life and I miss him more than words can say. He sends me ladybugs, or yadygugs as he called them, to me to let me know he is around.

Our loved ones are around us anytime we need them. You just need to think about them, talk to them. They hear you. Keep an eye open for signs they are reaching out. It could be a favorite song, a bird, a ladybug, or an animal. For Jason, it’s a ladybug. My Dad shows me the number 757, the area code where we were born and raised. A song from John Cougar Mellencamp for my Uncle Spencer. You may feel a brush on your cheek, a tap on your shoulder, your name out of nowhere. It still hurts they aren’t here physically to pick up a phone and call them, but I feel better knowing they are still there when I need them. Just in a different way.

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Why Intuitive Girl with Blue Eyes?

Pamela

OK, I know this name is probably not all that creative and may sound like something I just through together but there is actually something to it. I fought with myself thinking I should change it to something catchy and more eye appealing. Considering for over 20 years I’ve been a web and graphic designer dealing with marketing, I should do better. To be honest, I’m still fighting with my designer self to change it. Have you ever heard the saying that a plumbers house leaks, a mechanics car runs terrible? I’m more focused I guess on the content than the aesthetics.

I could flip the coin and say that I just went with the basics in describing myself. I’ve always felt I was intuitive. Reading people and their intensions seems to come naturally for me. Empath was certainly a candidate also as I am a high sensitive one. But I didn’t want to focus on the aspect of me that was more than likely sculpted by all the years of mental and physical abuse. Intuitive is defined as “using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.” Part of my journey is diving deep into my subconscious mind to heal the scars formed over the years and reprogram myself in a more positive light. I rely on my intuitiveness and am learning to trust it more and more as many messages come from my guides and ancestors.

The girl part of my name is pretty basic and self explanatory. Not a big stretch of my imagination there. Neither is Blue Eyes. But there is something behind it. After of years of dealing with Anorexia Nervosa and making hating myself a full-time job, the one thing I could always say I liked about me were my blue eyes. It’s the one thing over the years I had nothing horrible to say about them and it was the first thing to begin my journey of self-love.

Intuitive Girl with Blue Eyes is the starting place of a journey of self-love. Love being the highest vibration, I felt it was the place to begin the work on myself. So far, I am happy with my progress because I have come a very long way. I can look at this name and know, this is me and I’m happy. Everyone needs a solid foundation to build upon, and whether or not this name is aesthetically pleasing or graphically appealing doesn’t really matter. I’ll run with love and happiness as my first choice.